


JOHN EGBERT IS BANNED.

by Banterwitch



Series: anime is gay culture [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, dirkjohn anime club, one shot with an ongoing sequel to follow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23636473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Banterwitch/pseuds/Banterwitch
Summary: JOIN ANIME CLUBSerious otaku ONLYNO dubs, NO Avatar, NO sword art onlineCosplay and RPing okRules (so we don't get shut down again)- no swords or weapons- no hentai- no weed- John Egbert is BANNED (until he returns my naruto dvds)
Relationships: John Egbert/Dirk Strider
Series: anime is gay culture [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701628
Comments: 9
Kudos: 81
Collections: Purrsonal Picks





	JOHN EGBERT IS BANNED.

_JOIN ANIME CLUB_

_Serious otaku ONLY_   
_NO dubs, NO Avatar, NO sword art online_   
_Cosplay and RPing ok_

_Tuesdays 3:30 - 5pm_   
_Room 413_   
_Each meeting will have anime viewings, manga drawing, anime discussion, bring and swap manga, pocky_

_President: Dirk Strider_   
_Vice president: Nepeta Leijon_

_Rules (so we don't get shut down again)_   
_\- no swords or weapons_   
_\- no hentai_   
_\- no weed_   
_\- John Egbert is BANNED (until he returns my naruto dvds)_

_week 1: Bleach_   
_week 2: Inuyasha_   
_week 3: Neon Genesis Evangelion_   
_week 4 onwards: TBC_

_any enquiries message Nep @arsenicCatnip_   
_Do not message Dirk he won't reply to shit_

___________________________________

The time is 3:34 on the first Tuesday of the new school year. 

Dirk Strider takes his place at the head of the classroom. He stands at a solid 5'7 - maybe 5'8 if you count the spikes of his gelled blonde hair. His signiture pointy shades glare intimidatingly at the teens seated before him. This is his senior year, and he isn't fucking around.

He does not wait for the chatter to die down before he begins, 

"Welcome." He announces dramatically. "To Anime Club."

An awkward silence falls over the room. In the front row Terezi snorts into her hands. 

"You should know already that this club is for the experience and appreciation of Japanese media and culture. If you don't know that, you should leave now. You should also know already that this club takes Japanese media and culture seriously. If you don't, you should also leave."

Almost everyone in the room already know these things because they heard these things last term, and every term before that. Tavros, the sole new club member, nervously looks to his older brother for reassurence. Rufioh, a seasoned veterin at this point, gives him an encouraging thumbs up. 

"I am Dirk Strider. I'm the President and Founder of this club. My word is the word of God as far as you're concerned. All decisions go through me, all viewings are approved by me, no shit goes down in this room without me allowing it."

He takes a pause to let the words settle in. He gestures to the short girl beaming to the side of him. She's wearing a furry hood with ears and hand warmers despite the September heat. 

"This is Nepeta, my vice president. She deals with shit I don't want to. So if you need to ask me anything, take it to her.

"Right, some shit we need to cover. From now we're implementing a new rule with our manga library, you can only have a manga for up to- JOHN EGBERT GET THE FUCK OUT"

Absolutely everybody in the room shoots thier heads around to stare at the door that has cracked open. Sticking through, feigning a look of confusion and innocence, is the face of one John Egbert. His eyes, bright blue and wide behind his thick rimmed glasses, dart between Dirk and the spare seat next to his sister he'd been planning on sneaking into. 

"uh, hi Dirk!" He grins. 

"John did you even read the fucking flyers"

"I did! I liked yours and Nepetas drawings-"

"what the fuck are you doing here"

John throws his eyes accross the room like the answer is pretty obvious "you know... to watch animes"

"get out."

"Diiiiirk, come on. I really wanna watch... Neo genesis... Eva... Jelly-gone..."

"it's Neon Genesis Evangelion and that's not until week 3, get out."

"look I even have your stupid..." he reaches back behind the door to his rucksack, pulling out a heafty dvd boxset, and stuffing it through the door crack like a peace offering "Naturos, here." 

Dirk rushes to the door muttering "the disks better all be in there I swear to-" 

"so everyone!!!" Nepeta jumps up enthusiastically to cover for her club president's distraction, sensing it might take a while. 

"this weeks anime mewing will be Bleach! A classic anime about swords and magic stuff, purrrrfeect for beginners... is there any mewcomers today???"

"she means NEW comers" Terezi yells accross the incredibly small gathering of people.

One hand raises tentively. 

"uh, yeah. I am. Mew. Uh, new. Whatever..." Tavros nervously replies.

"Yay Tavros! You came!" Nepeta beams and waves "so tell me MEWBIE! Have you watched any anime before?" 

"uh, yes... That's why, I'm here..." 

"beclaws we picked this especially as a really good introduction to anime! It's um. I think it has ninjas" She narrows her eyes at the box in her hand. 

"that's Naruto" 

"why can't we watch Naruto."

"because John stole my fucking Dvds." Dirk yells over his shoulder from where he's cornered John. 

"uh but he brought them back, so??" 

"we watch Naruto every damn term."

"we watch Bleach every damn term." 

"We're watching Bleach coz that's what I put on the fucking itinery, OK?" Dirk starts opening up the returned boxset, allowing John to slink into the space next to Jade. 

"Yes, and next week will be Inuyasha - my choice!" Nepeta says, giving a wink at Jade, who whoops back. "and then as Dirk mentioned before we will watch Neon Jellyfish-" 

"NEON GENESIS-" 

"- in week 3 and from there we will have a vote each week to decide the anime we will watch the following week. Er, as long as its approved by Dirk. Any questions?" 

"can we watch Naruto?" 

"The flyers said there'd be pocky?" 

Chatter falls over the room as Nepeta busies herself with setting up the dvd player and projector. She glances over to her officer in command, who is now hunched over the desk in front of John, inspecting each individual disk for scratches with John leaning over his shoulder eyes furrowed. Just as Dirk is lifting one to check it in the light, John slowly leans further forward, and blows right into Dirks ear. Dirk yelps and drops the disk.

Over the manic laughter and swearing Nepeta claps her hands, 

"allllllright that's all ready to go, and if anyone wants to join me I'll be over at this desk doing some manga drawing!" 

Grateful for the excuse, Jade leaps from her first row seat to the theatricals of Dirk and John to retreat to the safety of Nepeta's table screwn with piles of A4 paper, brush art pens and a "big book of anime bishies". 

The other members make an attempt to shuffle thier seats closer to the projector screen as the first episode begins to play. 

"Actually you know I have a fucking question" Sollux says, scanning the room "where's Vriska today?"

"she said she had more important things to do than hang out with a bunch of losers" Terezi says, opening a giant bottle of cherry tango and letting it fizz onto the desk. She plucks a straw from her shirt pocket and starts slurping up the puddles. "she'll be here next week."

"I thought it was pretty quiet in here today" Sollux says over the sound of John loudly protesting at Dirks mistrust in his ability to look after precious dvds. 

"yeah, thank gog for once we can actually get a break from her obnoxious bullshit for a whole meeting!" Terezi cackles. 

"isn't she like. Your best friend?"

"Yup." Terezi takes a loud slurp of her table juice.

"uh, is this? In Japanese?" Tavros says with another tentative arm raise. 

"of course its in fucking Japanese" 

"well like, uh, are we supposed to read the text?" 

"yeah, dumbass" 

"I uh. Would it not be easier to, play the show in English-" 

"seriously did anyone read the fucking posters." Dirk snaps from accross the room where he's trying to shove John off of his seat, "No Dubs"

"Dubs are the worst" Terezi agrees. 

Tavros stares at her for a second. 

"Terezi, you're blind."

Nonplussed, she takes a swig from her giant bottle. 

"Partially sighted. Why?" 

"can you... read the text?"

"not really" She takes another swig and slams it on the table "but I get the gist. Everyone's gay, and really dramatic, they're fighting each other with swords to get out thier gay feelings. Sometimes it's with robots, or card games. Sometimes they're playing sports... Whatever. That's what all anime is basically about."

She turns her head from the screen to look towards where Dirk and John are now wrestling over a chair.

Sollux nods approvingly, "you know what Terezi, That's a valid fucking take" 

_____

As they reach the end of the disk and the end of the meeting, the cluster of anime viewers are happily chatting about the show. Nepeta, Jade, Roxy and Calliope hundle on the art table, gushing over each others drawings, excitedly discussing their respective OCs. The vice president checks the time, and hops up to seek out her president. He's no longer in the classroom. 

"hey guys, where's Durrrrk?" 

Right on que, Terezi struts through the classroom door pointing dramatically in the direction of the hallway, "in a turn of events that shocks absolutely no one, he is making out with John!" 

"uh, I'm, a bit shocked?" 

"come on Tav, keep up"

Dirk storms into the classroom, face as stoic as ever but growing pinker as he rushes to the front of class and shuts off the projector. 

"Right, it's almost 5. The janitor will kick us out if we hang around. See you next week." 

He busies himself with clearing up, as Nepeta waves the members out. A buzz of hushed chatter and gossip drift away down the corridor. 

John is last to collect his things and as he catches up with his sister he gives Nepeta an enthusiastic thumbs up, grinning like it's fucking Christmas and April fools wrapped up in one obnoxious holiday up in here. 

"great first meeting, Nep!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been working this fic for a while but felt like this first part was very different from the rest so I'm posting this as a one shot, and the rest as a sequel/continuation  
> Hope you enjoy!

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this fic for a while but felt like this first part was very different from the rest so I'm posting it as a one shot with the rest as an ongoing sequel  
> hope you enjoy!


End file.
